By Alisha Coelho
'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter' is the kind of supernatural bunkum that makes 'Van Helsing' try-before-you-die fare. Not only does the flick make blood-sucking immortals seem less desirable than soulless zombies, it's also such a gross distortion of American history that Yank-hating groups (especially in the Middle East) are bound to host mass public screenings to laugh at how ridiculous American cinematic re-tellings of the Civil War can get.
What's it about?
The plot (hah) follows Abraham Lincoln, who as a child, witnesses his mother being killed by the neighbourhood not-so-friendly vampire. With vengeance on his mind, an adult Abraham (Benjamin Walker) agrees to be mentored by Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper) in the 101 ways to slay a vampire. Before long, Abraham is a lean, mean killing machine but his slaying comes at a price and he soon finds himself and his loved ones targetted by alpha immortal Adam (Rufus Sewell) and his sister. Somewhere along the way he finds that freeing the slaves is far more worth his time than ridding the world of blood-thirsty monsters, and decides to campaign to become America's next president to do exactly so. Priorities, priorities.
Walker looks like a young Liam Neeson, only one in desperate need of a laxative. His portrayal of Abraham Lincoln is neither inspiring nor endearing. Dominic Cooper, who made us sit up ramrod straight in our seats and take notice of him in 'The Devil's Double', hams his way through a poorly written role with an altogeter too convenient of a back story. The special effects are below par even the most rudimentary Hollywood standards and there's a fight scene staged during a horse stampede that vaguely reminded us of G.One leaping between train compartments in the movie 'Ra.One'.
What to do?
Even Twihards would do well to give this a miss. You're better off catching the countless reruns of vampire movies on television, because even Buffy could whip this slayer's ass with her little finger and not have a hair out of place after doing so.
in.com rating: 1/5
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