When CIA agents Tuck (Tom Hardy) and FTR(Chris Pine) discuss how they've been using agency resources to dig up information on their lady love Lauren (Reese Witherspoon), they laugh off their unethical ways calling it cromantic - creepy and romantic. Well, cromantic is what would best describe 'This Means War' though the adjective we'd prefer over creepy would rather be crazy, crude or just plain crummy.
Tuck and FTR are agents extraordinaire but still single. They both fall for Lauren, a product tester, and when neither is willing to give her up, they make snagging her affections their new covert mission. To throw a monkey wrench into their courtships, is a Russian drug lord hugry for revenge. Who will get the girl? Who will slink off into the shadows, tail between their legs? And what's a Brit doing working for an American agency? The movie answers all these questions, but one.
Redeemably, the chemistry between the leading men is much more to talk about than their's with Witherspoon. The actress dips into her notes from 'Legally Blonde' but Lauren is neither as ballsy or charming as Elle Woods. The script's not entirely lacking smart lines, but they're too few and far between. There's also Lauren's best friend who's annoying and delivers her lines without ever pausing for a breath, like the lady who reads out disclaimers at the end of insurance ads.
What to do?
We expect that this movie will be far better appreciated at private screenings at underground meetings of dictators deposed by American troops. They'll undoubtedly be left in splits over the absolute buffoonic portrayal of how the CIA works. For you though, 'This Means War' is only worth a watch since this week's other releases are sketchier. Though don't expect to be blown away.
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