Sachin Tendulkar will never play an ODI again. We all knew this moment was coming, but that does not make it any easier to bear. Never again will we see that unmistakable stance in an ODI, never again will we skip school/college/work to watch the Little Master at work, never again will opposition bowlers have to deal with panic attacks.
At the end of such a glittering career, any tribute will fall short. Here’s the best we could do; some facts are exaggerated, but they still do no justice to India's one universal God.
1. For a bowler, dismissing Sachin is like winning in the Sikkim Super Lotto: very improbable, very difficult, and 99.99% luck
2. One small retirement for man (though Sachin is technically a God), 1.2 billion giant retirements (from ODI cricket watching) for mankind
3. Since Sachinism is the universal religion, bowlers bowling to Sachin sometimes find themselves thinking: "Dear Lord Sachin, please let me get Sachin out"
4. A wand is not the only wooden hand-held object with which magic can be done. There's one more - Sachin's bat
5. England and Pakistan have got an early Christmas gift this year. They won't have to bowl to Sachin
6. Einstein once said of Gandhi: "Generations to come, it may well be, will scarce believe that such a man as this one ever in flesh and blood walked upon this Earth." This is equally true of Sachin
7. Now, you can buy a slot to advertise during an India ODI for Rs. 5 per minute (down from Rs. 5 Crore). Who will watch if Sachin is not there?
8. If you go to any second hand store today, it will be flooded with TVs. There's no reason to watch anymore
9. For Team India to replace Sachin, they will have to recruit Superman and Batman, make them have a baby, and get Rajinikanth to train that baby. For 20 years
10. Terrorism takes place on the cricket field, too. Just watch Sachin’s double century, and see how scared the bowlers were to bowl to him that day
11. The Rajya Sabha is considering changing its name to Rajya Sachin, after its most glorious member
12. Watching videos of Sachin cover drives is the only known cure for AIDS
13. 99% of all stories our generation tells our children will begin with "Once upon a time there was Sachin..."
14. For those saying Sachin doesn't deserve the Bharat Ratna - the reason most people know about the Bharat Ratna is Sachin. So technically, Sachin recognized and awarded the Bharat Ratna first
15. The best gift our parents gave us was giving birth to us during the era of Sachin
16. The ICC should retire the ODI format out of respect to Sachin
Sachin's unforgettable off-field moments
Sachin's greatest ODI moments
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