The British Royal family is expanding its direct line for the first time in thirty years - Kate Middleton is pregnant! Of course, the delivery is likely to be some time away, and the naming ceremony even further than that, but this is no ordinary baby we’re talking about. Its name will appear in thousands of newspapers and millions of history books, so they’d better choose well.
Luckily, they have our help. We think normal baby names are beneath the dignity of a royal, and that she (or he) deserves a name that is chosen for its funniness. Here are the top 7 options. If you can think of more, maybe you will be knighted for services to the throne. Tell us in the comments section!
1. WiKa: Narendra Modi, or NaMo, is in the news all the time, in both India and in the UK (which recently granted him a visa). Since the royal baby won’t be able to emulate his white beard any time soon, the next best thing will be to get a nickname like his, by combining the first two letters of William and Kate. And WiKa sounds a bit like Mika, and that will either remind you of Punjabi party music or the Iceman of F1, Mika Hakkinen. Everybody wins.
2. Gangnam: When the baby is born, there will be no bigger target for paparazzi. It is fair to say that her first few pictures will get close to a billion views.
Will & Kate's baby is also bound to be cuter than PSY. Photo: Getty Images
There’s only one other thing that has achieved that - the Gangnam Style video. If the baby is a girl and they want a more feminine name, may we suggest Honey Bunny? If it goes viral enough by then?
3. Aaradhya: We’ve already talked about reasons for why Aaradhya is a superbaby. Since both William and Kate would want their baby to be super, Aaradhya seems like an auspicious name.
Aaradhya Bachchan's popularity rivals that enjoyed by her parents combined
If they want a more English name, they could use the translated form of Aaradhya - Worth Worshipping. But it might be a little hard to remember during roll calls.
4. Success Kid: Everyone’s favourite meme has a baby making a fist of triumph. But think of the real success kid - Kate and William’s child will be born with hundreds of millions of dollars in the bank, and with no need to ever find a job, or worry, or anything. And that’s at age zero. We need a new face on the Success Kid meme!
5. Justin/Justina Bieber: The most recognizable baby in the past few years is not an actual baby; it’s a song by a teenage Canadian popstar.
Of course, you'd have to be a little crazy, crazy, craaaazy, oooh, to name your baby after Justin, but this is the royal family we're talking about. Photo: Getty Images
Therefore, if you want to make your baby special, name it after the person who made the word ‘baby’ universal, cutting across countries and languages. Prepare your child for a lot of bullying at school, though.
6. Prince/princess: If your child is going to be a member of the royal family, remind people of the fact. Plus, if the child is a girl, a name like Princess will make it easier for her to create facebook albums of her photos called ‘Princess’, which look tacky if someone not called Princess creates them.
7. Mayawati: When a baby is born, its proud parents want it to succeed in life. They want it to do well, to be happy. They want it to be famous. They want statues of it everywhere.
Mayawati - setting standards of megalomania the world over. Photo: PTI
And we all know who statue-person is. Naming the princess after Mayawati might help it get statues erected of itself across the United Kingdom. As long as the Mayawati name doesn't make the baby look like Mayawati, they should be OK.
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