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The LOL-ster

The LOL-ster

Of wisecracks, giggle-fests and all things that tickle your funny bone

What the new Titanic ship will look like. Photo: AP

An Australian billionaire miner has just unveiled prototypes for a new Titanic ship based on the original ship, that captured hearts and minds because of the 1997 movie. Reports suggest that the ship will look and feel much like the original Titanic, giving people a chance to transport themselves to 1912.

We think that's great, but are they worrying enough about safety? Sure, the movie was great and all, but it was based on a horrific disaster that killed more than a thousand people. So we have come up with a safety manual to make Titanic II what its predecessor was not - unsinkable.

1. Sail only near the Equator: An iceberg sunk the original Titanic, so it would make sense to sail away from where icebergs are. Or, just wait 20 years to launch the ship; global warming would have melted all the icebergs by then.

2. Don't let Kate Winslet pose for nude portraits

Kate Winslet in Titanic

Kate Winslet in her infamous scene from the 1997 movie 'Titanic'

 

If the new real-world Titanic recreates the famous scene from the movie, there could be a problem. The captain and all the crew would abandon their posts to get an exclusive picture of a nude star to post to their facebook walls, and the ship would hit another iceberg.

3. Don't call it unsinkable: Tempting fate is something that should be left to professionals like Rajinikanth. Call the Titanic II anything other than unsinkable (like 'Unlikely to sink' or 'Probability of 0.01% of sinking' or even 'Dare to think beyond sinking'), and you should be fine.

4. Make an Indian politician travel on it: We have seen first hand the lengths to which VIPs in India will go to assure their own security. If we just have one MP on the Titanic II, he will ensure that there are 1000 Black Cat commandos standing by to plug any hole in the ship's hull with their bare hands, and thereby ensure the safety of the whole ship.

5. Use the profits from the Titanic movie to finance its construction: More money spent in construction means more safety features, and Titanic grossed over 2 billion dollars worldwide. Ask James Cameron to part with a little of that (after all, he has the profits from Avatar to console him) and we might get a truly unsinkable ship.

6. Don't sail too near Somalia: Somali pirates are the modern-day scourge of the seas; who can blame them? After all, their home country has more problems than Manmohan Singh at a talking competition. So the new Titanic should probably sail only in the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans.

7. Introduce in-voyage safety briefing: In-flight safety announcements are mostly met with indifference, but there’s no denying that they have saved lives in the air. So, what we need to do on the Titanic II is strap people to their seats, and have a bored recorded voice read instructions to them.

Any other ideas to make Titanic II unsinkable? Or do you just want to tell us how much you want to see a Titanic II movie? Either way, shout out in the comments section!

 

Tag : #James Cameron #Kate Winslet #Somalia #Titanic #Titanic II #Clive Palmer #Equator

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