December is a very lucky month, a very heavyweight month. Both Rajinikanth and Salman were born in this month, and Salman is the birthday boy today. Like everyone else, we want to give him a gift, but it's hard to think what gift would be best. After all, he pretty much has everything he could want (except perhaps a bride) and sometimes takes illegally what he can't get legally (blackbuck, are you listening?).
So the only thing left to do is get creative, and give Salman the funniest, wackiest things he doesn't have yet. Here's the list. Happy Birthday, Salman! May you:
1. Finally choose one of the 600 million women in India: To be Mrs Salman Khan. Most of the 600 million women will be willing, so it'll be difficult to choose. Either have a Salman Dulhaniya Le Jayega reality contest, or just do the logical thing and ask Katrina
2. Make Chulbul Pandey a true alterego: Just like Bruce Wayne and Batman, and dedicate Chulbul to the pursuit of hunting down and killing every rapist there is
3. Ek Tha Blackbuck: May you never go to jail for allegedly shooting those animals, so that you have to name the sequel to Ek Tha Tiger 'Ek Tha Blackbuck'. Let them use Ek Tha Blackbuck as the tagline after it goes extinct
4. May you never have to wait: 2 hours in any movie of yours again to take your shirt off (Dabangg-2 made you - and some of your fans - wait far too long)
5. May 100 crores become the new baseline: In a few months, we should call a Salman movie a flop if it crosses only 100 crore but not 200 crore. After all, you don't make small movies, do you?
6. May you make one serious art film: Directed by the most skilled director in the world, with a plot that no one can understand (but they nod their heads widely anyway to seem cool), shot in black and white with grainy textures running across the screen, so that people stop saying you're not a serious actor. Of course, Salman can make even such a film join the 100 crore club
7. May you get 100 crore fans: Once, you used to strive for a 100 crore film. Now that you've conquered that hurdle, why not try to get 100 crore fans, as the first step in Being Sachin?
8. May you never suffer health problems: Due to an overdose of masala, that you sprinkle so liberally in all your movies
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It's December, and that means we are in the holy month when Rajinikanth was born. On December 12, the man will turn 63, and his trillions of fans are
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