Oprah Winfrey is a modern day miracle worker. She has just accomplished what an entire country's drug agency, the hopes and dreams of a billion fans, and God couldn’t do – make Lance Armstrong confess that he had used drugs during his storied cycling career. And what makes it even more surprising is that no one knows how she does it – a little emotion, and that couch, these two simple things seem to elicit confessions somehow.
We in India have been waiting for many confessions for a long time, and we don’t seem to be getting them. So here’s a list of people who should go on Oprah, so she can succeed where the experts failed:
Rajinikanth: We all know that God prays to Rajinikanth, but the man Himself is modest, and never acknowledges His greatness. On Oprah, he might actually tell the world that everything we say about him is true, and that he actually is Devon Ke Dev
Salman Khan: On the secret behind making every other movie gross more than 150 crores, so that SRK can watch the episode on which he appears and learn the secret for himself
Karan Johar: So we'll finally know which way he swings
ACP Pradyuman: We, as a nation, are shocked and hurt that our favourite superhero (make no mistake, ACP is more gifted than Superman) is no longer on CID. We need an explanation from him. Shivaji Satam needs to make a trip to the US
Yo Yo Honey Singh: YYHS is an enigma. On the one hand, we have reports of extremely misogynistic lyrics. On the other, he vigorously claims that he never wrote those songs, and that it’s all defamation. We need him to go on the famous couch to settle this burning question once and for all
Arnab Goswami: We think of Arnab as a man with a 100% record – of interruption. We see him as the one person who has never failed to achieve his goal of never letting another’s sentence end. Would it not be inspiring to hear from his own lips that he, too, has failed – that, once, 20 years ago, he actually let someone finish what they were saying. We think so. Get him to meet Ms. Winfrey!
Duncan Fletcher: Needs to confess that he is the worst Indian cricket coach that ever was, is, and ever will be
Manmohan Singh: The reason for getting MMS on Oprah is slightly different from the others. We don’t want him to confess, we just want to hear his voice. And if there’s one thing Oprah is good at, it’s making people talk. Theek hai?
WWE haters: Need to get on Oprah to accept that wrestling isn’t despicable because it’s fake, it’s grand and glorious and exactly the same as a movie.
Any other confessions you really want to see? Tell us in the comments section!
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