After Shaheen Dhada from Thane was arrested for a politically incorrect post on her Facebook page (she had allegedly said that ‘people like Thackeray are born and die daily and one should not observe a bandh for that’), another boy was arrested in Maharashtra for posting an anti-Raj Thackeray remark on the social networking site.
This article will not talk about whether this is wrong or right - the rest of the internet seems to be covering that just fine. What it will do is issue an alert to a number of prominent people who could be in danger of imminent arrest, based on the ‘logic’ used to arrest Shaheen, her friend and the boy. So here it is – the list of people who will be arrested soon:
1. Alastair Cook: Alastair Cook was solely responsible for the First Test going into a fifth day. In fact, his batting on Day 4 caused worry and grief to every Indian cricket fan, and certainly postponed our celebrations by one day. Through this, he hurt religious sentiments (cricket is, of course, the biggest religion we have) and must immediately be booked under the same section 505. Plus, if we arrest him, we'll win all the other matches in one day each.
2. Uncle Sam: Shaheen's uncle's clinic was vandalised by virtue of him being . . . her uncle. By that logic - as the uncle of the United States of America - Uncle Sam should take full responsibility (a life sentence?) for the fact that his millions of nephews and nieces didn't partake in the bandh. Not only should he be arrested with all of them, but this outrageous behavior calls for the vandalism of the entire nation.
3. The driver of the hearse: Unlike everyone else in the city who sat at home, or even the twenty-odd lakh who swarmed Shivaji Park to pay their last respects, this driver was the only one who didn't take take an off from work. Never mind that his task was to transport the body to the burial grounds - rules are rules.
4. Mark Zuckerberg: Because of Mr Zuckerberg's unwillingness to shut down his site for a day, people who were forced to sit at home spent it ranting on the internet instead of respecting the dear departed, as was the intention of the bandh. His decision led to Facebook becoming Defamebook - a platform for immoral messages like Shaheen's.
5. Priyanka Chopra: Piggy Chops, as she is fondly called, recently came out with her debut single 'In My City'. Nowhere in the lyrics is the word 'Mumbai' mentioned. Luckily, she is only eligible for an arrest for playing traitor to her karmabhoomi; if she had called it 'Bombay', there would have been no punishment severe enough for her.
6. The Constituent Assembly (who framed our Constitution all those years ago): These men and women put bizarre concepts like the Right to Equality (according to which all Indians who are born and die every day are exactly the same) and the Right to Freedom of Speech (according to which you can't arrest someone for airing opinions in a private space) into the Law of the Land. They may no longer be alive enough to arrest, but their descendants had better watch out!
7. All teachers in every school: Section 205 of the Penal Code says that people who make 'statements creating or promoting enmity, hatred or ill-will between classes' can be arrested. This clearly puts our beloved school teachers in mortal danger. After all, do they not say things like ‘The other class - XC - is so much better behaved than your class' and ‘This is the worst class I have ever taught'? In fact, every second word from their mouth promotes hatred between (school) classes.
8. People who like scary pics on Facebook: Renu, Shaheen's friend, was arrested for merely 'liking' the offended post. So, we can deduce that liking dangerous content on Facebook can lead to arrest. And what could be more dangerous than that creepy spam pic that says ‘SHARE WITH 10 PEOPLE ELSE THIS LITTLE GIRL WILL KILL YOU TONIGHT’? If you stop with liking this picture and do not share it (with 10 people), not only will the little girl kill you tonight, but you will also be arrested the next day.
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