Our government has just informed us all of their all-new, all-useless strategy to fight rape. One might have thought that they would impose more strict punishments or increase the number of policemen on night patrols, but either of these would actually make sense. Instead, they have announced that every rapist will be subject to a 'Name and Shame' punishment, where his name and details will be put up on a central site.
Our question is: if these animals are not afraid to risk a multi-year prison sentence, will they suddenly stop raping because their name might be up on some website? We don't think so. But we must support the government, so here are some ideas for them that will be just as ineffective as Name and Shame. They way things are going, we predict these will also be tried soon:
1. Limit their usage of Facebook: Any convicted rapist should not be allowed to use Facebook for more than 1 hour per day. Just like Name and Shame, this strict punishment will completely stamp out rape in the country, because the lowest of the low are addicted to Facebook just like other people, aren't they?
2. Don't allow them to book tatkal tickets on IRCTC: Every rapist's IRCTC account should have the tatkal booking option removed from it, so that they will never again be able to book a ticket online at short notice. The only problem with this is that it's nothing new; 99% of us can't book tatkal tickets on IRCTC anyway.
3. Only let them watch movies in 2D: Rapists in India should not be allowed to book 3D movie tickets. This draconian measure will be even more effective than Name and Shame, and rapists will suddenly reform, out of fear of this.
4. Actually take a driving test when they want a license: Convicted rapists should be subject to never-actually-enforced tests like the Figure of Eight, the Reverse in a Straight Line, and the 90 Degree Turn. Since everyone else gets licenses even without these, rapists will feel publcly shamed, and turn over a new leaf.
5. Don't let them buy Dairy Milk: Every shopkeeper in the country should be instructed to check his/her customer's name against a database of rapists. Anyone whose name matches cannot buy a Dairy Milk. Surely even rapists will choose chocolate over their part-time job?
6. Impose the 5 SMS limit for rapists only: All of us remember the horror that we went through when the 5 SMS limit was imposed a few months ago to combat the spreading of rumours. Life became very difficult, and that's exactly how we want the lives of rapists to become. One month of this, and they'll all be begging for death.
7. Don't let them play next year's Call of Duty game: Every year brings us another epic Call of Duty set of missions. The biggest punishment you can give anyone is excluding them from something nice, right? So tell all the game retail stores, the shady VCD owners, and the torrent sites that we are no country for rapist gamers. Forget Name and Shame, we'll give you Game and Shame!
These punishments might not seem like they'll stop even one rape, but nor will the Name and Shame policy. If you think so, shout out in the Comments Section!
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