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The LOL-ster

The LOL-ster

Of wisecracks, giggle-fests and all things that tickle your funny bone

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With Holi here, many of us have adopted our annual water-is-important stance. Not only did we switch off our lights during Earth Hour, we also shared that facebook picture which said that this year is the worst drought in Maharashtra for ages, and that other states aren’t much better off.

All this makes sense. Yes, water is a precious resource and yes, we usually treat it like the worst residents of Gurgaon treat a woman they find alone. But what does not make so much sense is what people are saying – that Holi celebrations are the only cause of water wastage and, if we stop wasting water on that one day, we will have H2O for ever.

Because we waste much more water in our daily lives, over the course of a year, than on one day, however wasteful it might be. And Holi celebrations are irritating for many reasons other than water wastage, so all our zeal seems misplaced. Here are some ways to save water that make as much (non)sense as staying dry on Holi:

1. Stop emotional soaps on TV: It is a well-known fact that we have to take in water to replace that which we give out. Almost every soap on TV is filled with people crying and, even if you don’t subscribe to their emotional trauma, you sometimes weep a little in sympathy. If we pass a law that says soaps must give up the waterworks, we will all drink less water

2. Don’t let B-grade movies feature rain scenes

On the Roof in the Rain - Masti

 


Every B-grade horror movie has that one (or ten) scene(s) where the heroine stands under suspiciously localized rainfall, and cries for help. If we outlaw these scenes, we will never have to supply gallons of water to sprinklers again

3. Fire all teachers who spit: Anyone who’s a habitual (or occasional) front-bencher will know that 89% of all teachers and professors punctuate their every word with a machine gun like blast of constant spit. These teachers obviously have to reload often, and drink up to two bottles of water per class. Fire them all, and two bottles are saved per teacher!

4. Make ‘dry days’ live up to their names: Dry days make the drinking portion of the population miserable. This is inequality; misery loves company. So dry days should become days of complete lack of water; you cannot bathe, go to the toilet, brush or, of course, drink. Think of how good it will be for our planet!

5. Offer government incentives for engineering students: Engineering students bathe once a week. During good weeks. Therefore, more engineering students means more water saved. If we encourage more students to do engineering (parents across the country will be only too happy with this), all our water woes will disappear.

6. Ask Rajinikanth for help: If we really can’t think of good ways to save water, there is only one Man who can save us. He will, no doubt, have something up his sleeve, be it conversion of fire to water, or harvesting Nirupa Roy’s past tears, or convincing Bill Gates that water in India is a bigger problem than disease in Africa. Mind it!

Do you have any funny suggestions to solve the water problem? Tell us in the Comments Section!

Tag : #Earth Hour #Holi #Rajinikanth #water #rain song #drought #water wastage #Dry day

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