Kapil Sibal is at it again. As a nation reels from the shock of the latest ugly match fixing scandal, he has called for a law that will reduce the number of incidents of match fixing in cricket.
We are very happy that he has done this. After all, who needs a good anti-rape law so long as we have good cricketing laws, right? In fact, here are a few more suggestions for the judiciary to curb match fixing in cricket:
1. Set up open meetings with fans: Here’s something that will work as a deterrent – the day after a cricketer is convicted of match fixing, organize an open house session with the biggest fans of the team he cheated on. And then wait as he is torn to pieces.
2. Make Arnab Goswami interview them: Match fixing is despicable. But even the most hardened fixer does not deserve to be a guest on Arnab’s show, continually attacked and interrupted (and being told ‘India wants to know!’). Mandate this as a punishment for match fixing, and watch as the cases go down.
3. Transfer them to Delhi Daredevils: Since match fixers like losing so much that they betray their home teams for this, fixers deserve to be in the one team that has converted losing into a fine art.
4. Imprison all fixers together: The thing that strikes us about every Indian ever convicted of match fixing is that they aren’t nice people. We’re pretty sure that a day with Azharuddin’s surliness, or Jadeja’s hyperactivity, or Sreesanth’s irritatingness, will drive even the most patient to insanity.
5. Give everyone license to kill bookies: Bookies are a blot on the landscape of India. They help hard working people lose money, earn a lot of it themselves, and pollute games with their foul tactics. If we just give the population of India guns and licenses to kill (bookies), the problem will solve itself in a week.
6. Have only 8 over matches: One thing that we observed about the RCB-CSK rain shortened match was that every bowler went for runs. In such a case, fixing the match would’ve been impossible; after all, what difference is there between 18 and 20 runs per over? If we just make every match 8 overs long, there will be complete honesty.
7. Don’t allow towels on the field: Towels were once things that Ranbir used to cover his modesty, but now they’re apparently tools of the devil. Ban them, and we nip fixing in the bud.
Anything you can think of to stop the menace of match fixing? Tell us in the Comments Section!
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