Make you be more popular in your retired life than you are in India now
From an Indian cricket fan
Ricky Ponting has finally announced his retirement, and a lot of people are calling it the end of an era. That it certainly is. Even for people who aren’t huge fans of the Punter (like almost every cricket fan in India), his retirement will mean one less person to complain about for his one-track devotion towards Aussie success. So everyone’s mourning his retirement, friend and foe alike.
A lot of his friends and well-wishers must be making plans for his retired life. Should his non-fans be left behind? Obviously not. So here’s a list of wishes for Ricky Ponting as he enters retirement. This is from the perspective of an Indian cricket fan, so it might be a little...different.
1. May your teammates at the local Cards Club curse you when you make a mistake like you sledged Zaheer Khan when he was a rookie
2. May you eventually reach a 100 years of age, but may Sachin get there first, just like he beat you to the century of centuries
3. May you start choosing truth over convenience, unlike how you did when you were appealing for a wicket, where convenience always came first
4. May your children become such good bowlers that they york you out like Kallis did just a few days ago
5. Make you be more popular in your retired life than you are in India now
6. May the world supply of chewing gum never dry up, else god knows what would happen to your jaws
7. May your local retirees’ golf team have better success than the Australian team you once led, which fell from an invincible #1 to cricketing ignominy
8. May no investigator find a connection between you and the Ponty murder case
9. May you be feared in the local supermarket like you were when you came out to bat in your prime - or, like you were feared when a new batsman came out to the centre and you were fielding at slip, and felt in a sledging mood
10. On festive occasions, when you’re preparing a feast, may you never fall short of the ducks you accumulated so plentifully in your career
11. May your children not spit as much as you did on the cricket ball
12. May people never find a better nickname for you than Punter, and keep calling you that for ever
13. May you never walk. When your time finally comes, at a ripe old age, may God himself (the ultimate third umpire) have to flash a red 'out' light on a screen to tell you that it’s time
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