The Oscars have come and gone, and Life of Pi seems to have picked up quite a few. While there are still some who will say Life of Pi is essentially an Indian movie (because of the name of its protagonist), it is true that India is under-represented at the Academy Awards. Which is why we're organizing this special edition of the Oscars - the Desi LOL-scars - and we're giving awards to anyone who has displayed exceptional acting talent. For instance:
1. Pranab Mukherjee
For actually acting like a President, especially after the last one put mercy and globetrotting above everything else
2. The good people at II*M: For acting like ****s ((note: asterisks are used to protect against blocking)
3. Facebook: For acting like cocaine or heroin, and making us all addicts
4. Manmohan Singh
For playing the part of a dumb man convincingly, for acting like a robot... he's like Daniel Day Lewis (multiple Oscars)
5. MS Dhoni
For acting like Sachin, and proving critics wrong again and again. Also, an additional award for acting like Sachin, by being a bad captain
6. The Indian authorities: For acting exactly like the North Korean authorities, now that they're armed with section 66A
7. Abhishek: For acting like he's not a Bachchan
8. Aishwarya: For acting like Yokozuna (from the WWF), after the birth of Aaradhya
9. Sunny Leone: For acting, period, after years of 'acting' in porn, which isn't exactly the hardest thing there is
10. Rahul Gandhi: For acting like he cares about the common man
11. NaMo: For acting like he isn't yet thinking about becoming PM in 2014
13. People who watched 'Race 2': For acting like they hadn’t just gone through the most traumatic experience of their lives
And now, for the ultimate LOL-scar, for a Man who is beyond both Oscars and LOL-scars...
For acting like Rajinikanth
What was the reason that an almost-perfect looking team India surrendered to the Lankan lions in the WC finals, you ask? Here are 5 probable reasons why we feel India lost:
India is a tiger at home, and a bacterium abroad. After our embarrassing performances in South Africa and New Zealand, questions are being asked about whether our team is truly ready to play a cricket match anywhere outside the sub-continent. We think there is light at the end of the tunnel - we think that these 6 ideas will help India rise from the ashes and become a tiger everywhere.
We're so worried about his recent string of crazy activities that we think he might go too far soon. He might do one of these things, for instance:
After Arnab Goswami took Rahul Gandhi’s case in an interview (there’s really no other way of putting it) on Monday, we think that Koffee with Karan is way too boring. If we wanted to know random celeb gossip, we’d just read their tweets. But the way Arnab grills people, you have to admire him
A few days after Jai Ho's release, it is apparent that Salman's latest film will not touch the heights achieved by Chennai Express, Krrish 3, or Dhoom 3. It might not even touch Dabangg-2 or Bodyguard, and this is in 2014, when every other film hits 100 crores domestically. So why did Jai Ho fail to break all the box office records we thought it would? We aren't sure, but here are a few reasons.
Air India finally did something to make us sit up and take notice. They announced that they would provide wi-fi facilities to people on board their aircraft. This is great, but we don't think they've thought through some of the funnier consequences of their decision.
There are three constants in life in India: the petrol prices will keep rising, Arnab and Manmohan will always be opposites, and Salman Khan movies will always stick to a formula. Whether he's a cop, a bodyguard, or an Aam Aadmi, he's basically Rajinikanth in a different body.