The NCP is in the news again for all the wrong reasons, and it's not because of Sharad Pawar this time, but because of Ajit Pawar. When talking about the condition of severely drought hit farmers in Maharashtra, Ajit Pawar made the cruel and insensitive remark that 'if there is no water in the dam, should we urinate in it?'
We think this remark shows exactly how much like a toilet his mind is, and we cannot help but wonder how crazy his other ideas might be. Here's a list of the things Ajit Pawar might do to solve India's biggest problems today; we just pray that he never gets to become PM and try any of them.
1. Health problems: The life expectancy of India is still below 70. But there's a Pawarful solution. If we start breeding elephants and Indians, the hybrid race thus formed will have a higher life expectancy than we do today, because elephants regularly live to an age of more than 70 in captivity.
2. Tension with Pakistan: Having a hostile neighbour is a huge problem. The gospel according to Pawar would probably advise us to give all the border states (Rajasthan, Gujarat, Punjab, J&K) away to Nepal. That way, we'll have a friendly neighbour on the west!
3. Violence against women: Violence against women would not exist if there were no women, so we must get rid of our women quickly; maybe create a country for them like Israel, where they can live free of the menace of eve-teasing and male suppression?
4. Team India not winning abroad: The reason we always lose in Test Cricket abroad is because it's abroad. If we are Pawarful enough, we can invade every other country in the world, till all the world is Indian. Then there won't be any abroad at all, and we can play IPL for ever.
5. Corruption: The reason public servants demand money from us unjustly is because we have money. With great Pawar comes great responsibility; if we give all our money away, we can never again be victims of corruption.
6. Education: We have abysmal primary schools because we define education the way we do. All we need to do is Dare to Dream beyond Education, and say that anyone who has a ponytail is educated. After all, who cares about learning languages, and mathematics, and business, right?
Surprisingly, there are two cases where Mr. Pawar's 'urinate in it' advice actually works:
7. While watching movies like Race 2 and Himmatwala: A toilet break is the best thing you can do during these films; every second of the movie that you miss is a million brain cells saved from eternal torment
8. The authorities not being able to prove that Vijender took heroin: Mr. Pawar should go to Vijender with an empty cup, exhort him to urinate in it, and submit that cup for testing. That way, he'll actually be doing something useful, instead of making astonishingly crass public remarks
Do you know how Mr. Pawar thinks, too? Tell us in the Comments Section!
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