We have just lost our first Test series at home since 2004. Our humiliating defeats at Mumbai and Kolkata have brought out our inner pessimists in force, and we are all convinced that the world will now end since we only managed to draw the Test at Nagpur. We were just thinking that being a Team India fan is exhausting, depressing, and difficult. Maybe we need to start watching something else.

Maybe that something else is porn. After all, there are many similarities between our national team and the world of Silicone Valley:

1. The men are interchangeable. They keep coming (in the case of porn) and going (in the case of the Indian cricket team, which just fired 3 people after the Kolkata test loss)
 
2. Size does matter in both. That's why Sachin's bat is so big and heavy

3. Someone ends up getting screwed in both. In cricket, it’s usually Team India
 
4. People watch both porn and cricket with tissues in their hands. Though, for Team India, it’s usually to wipe away tears

5. Extra cover is a precaution that should be taken in either case, but our cricket team usually lets dozens of boundaries past this region

6. Both have millions of viewers, who regularly protest that they aren’t actually fans

7. Both have fickle fans who lose interest after grand climaxes, or premature Sachin dismissals

But these are just the places where porn ties Indian cricket. There are so many differences which make porn a better experience. Here are some examples:

8. Every man in porn lasts longer than the entire Indian cricket team, even Pujara

9. The dialogues and story in both are cliched, unconvincing and just excuses to get to the action, except the action in porn is watchable

10. Most of the time is spent on the couch. But, for Team India, it’s because they've just got out and have to watch the rest of innings from the bench

11. While every pornstar can handle at least two partners, often more, at a time, the whole of Team India can’t even field one ball

12. MSD may be better looking than Ron Jeremy, but Ron Jeremy could even make a pitch scream. Unlike MS, who keeps giving the wrong instructions to every curator in the country

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