Another month, another Bandh. Like the last few we've seen, this one aims to fix everything that's wrong with India: it's a protest against disinvestment, FDI, inflation, labour laws...the list goes on. We welcome the holiday, but we think they need focus - if you ask for everything, you're likely to get exactly nothing.
And it's not like they're focusing on the real problems, either. According to us, they could be asking for better things. Here are just a few ideas:
India to win against Australia: After the whitewash more than a year ago, and the poor showing at home against England, things aren't looking too bright for Team India against Australia. Maybe we need to use the power of public opinion against our cricketers, to give them some motivation to play better.
Mamata to agree with someone: Didi is a miracle - she is the only person capable of aligning herself against every opinion there is. Case in point: she opposes this bandh as well, since she didn't call it. So if we have an indefinite bandh to make her become agreeable, and she opposes the bandh, she is essentially agreeing with our aim, and we all win.
Having pre-decided, regular bandhs: We have bandhs every so often, but they don't come with much of a warning. How much better it would be if we could earmark the first three days of every month as bandh days! Only, to make this happen, we would need a separate bandh to convince the Government.
Harlem Shake to beat 'Baby', too: Last year, Gangnam Style got more youtube views than Justin Bieber's 'Baby', thereby convincing us that there was still sense left in the world. We need more and more videos to beat the Biebs, and maybe he will retire. An entire country on strike might inspire the world to view Harlem Shake a few million more times.
2013 Bollywood to pick itself up: The movies released so far this year (with the exception of a Special one) have been disappointing, and the rest of the year might not be great, either, seeing as how it's filled with guaranteed classics like the return of Sunny Leone to non-XXX acting. We need a few classics, even if it's going to take a strike by everyone in the country to make it happen.
Justice Katju to do his work: Markandey Katju loves to talk about how we are all idiots, but has he done enough on his regular job, ensuring freedom of the press? Well, going by how a bunch of websites have been blocked by II*M (and how we had to use an asterisk out of fear right here), he hasn't. We need a national strike to convince this man to stop talking and start doing.
The Delhi gangrape victims to be sentenced quickly: It’s not rocket science – you have a set of people who have confessed to one of the most heinous crimes in recent history. You need to choose between 2-3 punishments. It shouldn’t take weeks; most people could probably do it in 15 minutes. India should shut down till those animals get what they deserve.
What was the reason that an almost-perfect looking team India surrendered to the Lankan lions in the WC finals, you ask? Here are 5 probable reasons why we feel India lost:
India is a tiger at home, and a bacterium abroad. After our embarrassing performances in South Africa and New Zealand, questions are being asked about whether our team is truly ready to play a cricket match anywhere outside the sub-continent. We think there is light at the end of the tunnel - we think that these 6 ideas will help India rise from the ashes and become a tiger everywhere.
We're so worried about his recent string of crazy activities that we think he might go too far soon. He might do one of these things, for instance:
After Arnab Goswami took Rahul Gandhi’s case in an interview (there’s really no other way of putting it) on Monday, we think that Koffee with Karan is way too boring. If we wanted to know random celeb gossip, we’d just read their tweets. But the way Arnab grills people, you have to admire him
A few days after Jai Ho's release, it is apparent that Salman's latest film will not touch the heights achieved by Chennai Express, Krrish 3, or Dhoom 3. It might not even touch Dabangg-2 or Bodyguard, and this is in 2014, when every other film hits 100 crores domestically. So why did Jai Ho fail to break all the box office records we thought it would? We aren't sure, but here are a few reasons.
Air India finally did something to make us sit up and take notice. They announced that they would provide wi-fi facilities to people on board their aircraft. This is great, but we don't think they've thought through some of the funnier consequences of their decision.
There are three constants in life in India: the petrol prices will keep rising, Arnab and Manmohan will always be opposites, and Salman Khan movies will always stick to a formula. Whether he's a cop, a bodyguard, or an Aam Aadmi, he's basically Rajinikanth in a different body.