We have just been drubbed by England in the second test, and we have only ourselves to blame for our misery. I mean, we have only Dhoni to blame for our misery. He famously (publicly) asked the curators at Wankhede to prepare a spinning wicket, something that would give Ojha, Ashwin and Bhajji something to sink their teeth into. Unfortunately, the England spinners sunk their teeth in a little deeper, kind of like in Twilight, and levelled the series 1-1.
Dhoni's words illustrate that one must always be careful what one wishes for, and that one must always be careful before speaking. Here are a few more things that people (might have) said, that happened to blow up spectacularly in their faces:
"OK, I'll do an on-screen kiss. After all, how hard can it be to kiss Katrina convincingly?"
- Shah Rukh Khan
Even this public peck had more feeling than Khan and Kaif's smooch in Jab Tak Hai Jaan. Photo: AFP
"I've been a music director so long. Why don’t I try my hand (and chins) and acting, for a change?"
– Bappi Lahiri
"My video for Baby is going to be the most viewed video on youtube for ever. The only way anyone can ever beat it is if a Korean who looks like Kim Jong Un, drops out of the Berkley College of Music, thinks for 10 years of how to make a superhit, and then decides that acting like a horse will get him 832 million views. And that’ll never happen, right?"
– Justin Bieber
Psy of 'Gangnam Style' fame at a press conference. Photo: AFP
"Let me tweet about Bal Thackeray"
– Digvijaya Singh
"Let me file a written complaint"
– Rakhi Sawant
Rakhi Sawant and Digvijay Singh are truly two peas in a pod
"If we make an equal number of wrong umpiring decisions against both teams, it'll cancel out and we can make up for our incompetence"
– Aleem Dar and Tony Hill
"Let me make a public post on Facebook that does not show the right level of reverence to every leader in India with a sizeable following"
– 90% of the people in an Indian jail, very soon
"I want a timepass movie. Light entertainment. Life of Pi seems like a good fit. The name is short"
– Someone who’s shortly going to receive a rude shock
Life of Pi is, by no means, a light watch
"I need work. Let me go act as the villain in a Rajinikanth movie"
– Any suicidal actor
Leaked! Team India's resume
What was the reason that an almost-perfect looking team India surrendered to the Lankan lions in the WC finals, you ask? Here are 5 probable reasons why we feel India lost:
India is a tiger at home, and a bacterium abroad. After our embarrassing performances in South Africa and New Zealand, questions are being asked about whether our team is truly ready to play a cricket match anywhere outside the sub-continent. We think there is light at the end of the tunnel - we think that these 6 ideas will help India rise from the ashes and become a tiger everywhere.
We're so worried about his recent string of crazy activities that we think he might go too far soon. He might do one of these things, for instance:
After Arnab Goswami took Rahul Gandhi’s case in an interview (there’s really no other way of putting it) on Monday, we think that Koffee with Karan is way too boring. If we wanted to know random celeb gossip, we’d just read their tweets. But the way Arnab grills people, you have to admire him
A few days after Jai Ho's release, it is apparent that Salman's latest film will not touch the heights achieved by Chennai Express, Krrish 3, or Dhoom 3. It might not even touch Dabangg-2 or Bodyguard, and this is in 2014, when every other film hits 100 crores domestically. So why did Jai Ho fail to break all the box office records we thought it would? We aren't sure, but here are a few reasons.
Air India finally did something to make us sit up and take notice. They announced that they would provide wi-fi facilities to people on board their aircraft. This is great, but we don't think they've thought through some of the funnier consequences of their decision.
There are three constants in life in India: the petrol prices will keep rising, Arnab and Manmohan will always be opposites, and Salman Khan movies will always stick to a formula. Whether he's a cop, a bodyguard, or an Aam Aadmi, he's basically Rajinikanth in a different body.