Justalkin Episode 80: Types of Bollywood boyfriends you should run away from
What does it take to be an ideal boyfriend these days? Just turn up for plans, listen when you’re being spoken to, laugh at lame tweets online, go like all her Instagram posts maybe? If that list if too long, then here’s a solution. Watch Arjun Reddy. Make a note of everything he does. And don’t repeat it. Ever. Simple! This is JusTalkin brought to you by in.com. Arjun Reddy shot Vijay Devarakonda to fame! He’d already been in the industry, but after Arjun Reddy, he crossed language barriers; everyone wanted to watch this movie about this medical student who became so obsessed with his love it overtook everything else in his life. We’ve seen these types of heroes before. Devdas, Romeo, Ram in Ram Leela, Sameer in Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam, all guys who didn’t let society and other people get in the way of their love. But till date, if there’s one guy who just doesn’t get the concept of consent it is the new wonder boy Arjun Reddy. It made so much money that the director Sandeep Reddy Vanga remade it in Bollywood with Shahid Kapoor who plays Kabir Singh. It’s pretty much the same plot. One could argue that look, this is just a movie, maybe you should take it at face value and not really think about how this hero represents misogynistic men in Indian society. I thought that too, for a while, till I saw director Sandeep Reddy Vanga’s interviews. He called one of the reviewers fat. He didn’t agree with what the film critic had to say so instead of putting up a sensible defense he body-shamed him. Way to go, buddy! And he said, that if you didn’t feel free enough to slap someone you’re not really in love with them. Not sure if he was talking about a relationship or a friend you’re close enough to play hot hands with. That still requires consent! So that’s when I thought, maybe Arjun Reddy is not a fictional character at all! It’s probably an on-screen representation of director Sandeep Reddy Vanga’s in-depth true personality. I hope to god that’s not how he asked his wife to marry him - with a slap. Now that he’s given us a movie like this, ladies, listen up. If you see these following signs in a man, slowly walk away from him. And gentlemen, if you recognize these characteristics in yourself, slowly walk away from whoever you’re becoming. Here’s the type of Bollywood heroes, you should avoid. When you see one of these, remember, run sis! Run!
I’ve met plenty of boys who really wanna be players, but it’s not that easy. You have to have something going on for you. Like Ranveer Singh in Ladies Vs Ricky Bahl. You need to ooze charm, you need to have a certain presence, but most important of all, you need to have a kickass memory to keep track of all the lies you’ll have to tell. Now that doesn’t mean every guy with good memory is a player. Some poor bloke might actually want to remember an anniversary. But look out for the other signs. Like getting bored too easily, similar to Ranbir Kapoor did in Bachna Ae Haseeno. Actually getting bored is fine. But if something serious is what you seek and you think the guy is a player, then just Run Sis, Run!
Nobody likes a show-off. Especially a boyfriend who shows off! Someone who likes blowing the candles on a birthday cake, even when it’s not his birthday, just so he can show off his lung capacity? I think not. Bollywood examples - Hrithik Roshan in Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham. He goes to London to look for his long lost brother. But he turns up on the first day of college in a really fancy convertible. What a snob! And then he goes for prom night, takes center stage to show off his dancing skills. Stop dancing and go patch up with your brother, dude! And Varun Dhawan in Student of the Year. Yeah, he was just trying to be the ideal son so his snob of a rich dad could be proud of him but he showed off his biceps for no reason. He was supposed to be a student! Not a participant at the world bodybuilding championship! So if you hand a guy a heavy book, and instead of opening it, he starts doing bicep curls with it, run sis, run!
The one who loves a good fight
Boys who will legit get into a fight and not think twice about throwing a punch or two! It’s okay in the movies because they’re usually heroes who’re standing up for the right thing apparently. But you would NOT want that in real life because chances are, cops will be called on you. Bollywood example? Salman Khan in Tere Naam. They tried to show us all the sides of this guy named Radhe who was played by the bicep wielding, weird middle partition haired Salman Khan. He was supposed to be this guy who could solve people’s problems. But he also kinda scared the living daylights out of an innocent naive girl and made her fall in love with him. He’s kinda like the precursor to Arjun Reddy except he didn’t have a stethoscope. You wouldn’t want a boyfriend like that, girl. Imagine you’re 20 minutes late for a date and you’re worried that by the time you reach, he would’ve probably upturned all the tables in the cafe because he’s angry? Yeah, you can live without that! No matter how much street cred you’d get for dating a bad boy. First of all, the middle partition, big turn off. If he looks like he’ll beat up people at the drop of a hat, run sis! Run! Because you could be next!
The one who takes too long to get ready
It’s 2019. We know how much of a challenge it is to mentally prepare yourself to get out, instead of just deciding to Netflix and chill. And on top of all that, imagine having to wait for a guy who takes ages to get ready. I went to Goa with a bunch of girls and one guy who took more time than everybody else put together! Why do guys even need that much time to get ready anyway? They can just walk out in shorts and a t-shirt and society will accept them with open arms! We know actors have crew members to help them with that. Bollywood examples? Shahid Kapoor in Padmavat. Deepika Padukone looked like she just had to throw on a really heavy dress. She didn’t even have time to get her eyebrows plucked! But Shahid Kapoor had matching turbans for every single set of clothes he wore, some really fancy footwear, and because he didn’t hide is head under a veil all the time he had to set his hair really nicely too! And Hrithik Roshan in Jodha Akbar. Had some extremely delicate and fancy clothes, but I’m guessing he spent at least half an hour a day perfecting that mustache. If you see a guy taking too long to get ready, run, sis! Run! Trust me, the end result is not worth all that waiting! The only advantage? It’s okay if you don’t remember to pack sunscreen, and moisturizer, and mosquito repellant. Cos the dude’s probably gonna have all of it anyway!
The Immature One
The Immature One! There’s no dearth of this one! Because just when you think you’ve found a man who looks like he can handle anything life throws at him, you will definitely see a massive display of something so lame you’ll take it all back. Bollywood examples? I’d say Shah Rukh Khan in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. He judges things by their packages. Short skirt? Great girlfriend! Hairband and plays basketball? Nah, goes right in the friend zone! The Immature One can’t see when someone has a crush on his even if that person is lurking right under his nose all the time! And this is the perfect example that women mature faster than men. Because his eight-year-old daughter can sense things better than him! And also, Saif Ali Khan in Hum Tum. He plays this really casual character who goes about life one day at a time. Which is not really a bad thing in itself, actually. Just not when you need something done ASAP! If you’re looking for something serious and you see these signs, run sis! Run!
The workaholic kinda boyfriend! It’s a little unfair but some boys grow up with this idea that if they’re not doing something of consequence all the time, they’re wasting their day. All work and no play will make them dull boys but they’d much rather be dull boys than chill boys! Case in point, Hrithik Roshan in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. Who would even think of work if you’re in such exotic places across Spain! This is actually a good formula. Wanna know if your boyfriend is a workaholic? Take a leaf out of Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. Take your boyfriend on a trip. Keep track of how many times he checks his phone. If it’s like three times a minute, find something to do by yourself on holiday. Run, sis, Run!
The confused one
It’s bad enough we have to make so many choices every day. Adulting is hard. You don’t have to ask for permission if you wanna eat five bars of chocolate before bed! But it also comes with major challenges. Like maybe waking up and going to work. So when you already have your own stuff to deal with, the last thing you need is a boyfriend who is ‘the confused one’. Someone who cannot make up his mind for anything, about meals, about holidays, about life. Bollywood example? Ranbir Kapoor in Tamasha. He knows what he’s good at. But he’ll spend his life doing something else, even if you remind him that he’s awesome at other stuff! And Ranveer Singh in Dil Dhadakne Do. He knows he wants other things in life but he’s brought up being told that he was born for business. Much wow such confusion! And then apart from being a girlfriend, you have the added responsibility of being a motivational speaker. Which is not so bad, except when you have to make all the decisions all the time! Phew! That can be a bit tiring! So run sis! Run!
No matter what anybody tells you, having a stalker is not cool! And there are stalker boyfriends who will make you feel like a diva, pretend like they’re paparazzi. And it’s only human if you want a little bit of attention, there’s no harm in it. But some boys don’t know where to draw the line. Like Shah Rukh Khan in Darr. I hope to God nobody ever has to deal with an idiot like that in real life. You can’t even open your cupboard without expecting someone to jump out of it! And Dhanush in Raanjhanaa. He was supposed to be this guy who believed in his love so much that he did whatever it took to spend time with this girl he loved. But it comes really close to stalking, he just wouldn’t leave her alone! Even Varun Dhawan in Badrinath K Dulhania. The moral of the story was supposed to be don’t give up on your love, but you can’t just land up in Singapore when someone’s gone there to work and expect them to just fall back in love with you! If you’ve watched these movies, and you notice any of these characteristics in a guy, and you know attention is gonna evolve into obsession, then run, sis, run!
The movie industry is like a whole university that offers courses in human behaviour. Art is a reflection of society, so it’s very likely that the characters in Bollywood movies are inspired by real life. Or an exaggeration of real people and their behaviour, in some cases. So you can either forget a movie five minutes after you’ve watched it, or you can think about what you’ve seen and what you can learn from it. A Bollywood boyfriend I’d really love, though, is MC Sher from Gully Boy. Hands down. Where can I find one in real life! This is Justalkin brought to you by in.com.